What are you doing here?
“What are you doing here?” The question caught me off guard. I had just pulled my stool over to the stretcher and was going to start his IV. He said it with shock and astonishment in his voice, sprinkled with a touch of judgment. As our chitty-chatty had progressed, he had finally asked the often occurring question, “What brought you to Houston?” I have my standard answer in cue at all times: “Well, I’m crazy about my husband and I follow him wherever he goes.” Usually, and hopefully, that ends it. But sometimes . . . “What does he do?”
Ok, here we go. “He’s a senior pastor at a local church.”
That’s when he laid his question out there, full of assumption and judgment that OBVIOUSLY I should be somewhere else. I’m not sure where. Home? Teaching a Bible Study? On my knees, praying somewhere? Certainly not working. Isn’t it funny the opinion people can carry around on your behalf, knowing nothing about you or your circumstances? And by “people,” I also mean “I” because Lord knows I’m guilty of doing the same thing at times. As ridiculous as it sounds to entertain those opinions, I gave the guy’s question more replay time than I should have. Maybe he is right. Am I supposed to be doing something different? Do I have to teach a Bible Study and be on stage more, or just be MORE? It’s along the same lines as the plumber who was at my childhood home and heard me playing piano as a girl. As he was traveling through the living to address a plumbing issue, and he said, “Sounds like a future pastor’s wife to me!” Why do I remember that? It was such a foreign thought to me, and so ridiculous. Someone who doesn’t know anything about me but because I played the piano, I should be a pastor’s wife? Well, I don’t know if he had the gift of discernment, or enjoyed stereotyping pastor’s wives, but either way, the words landed and here I am.
I have had a lot of freedom at the MET to be the wife, and specifically pastor’s wife, I want to be. I camped out for a long time in the student building, but have felt the prompt over the last few years to give more leadership to the staff wives, and women in general. I know that it falls short of the expectations of some, but in general, I feel such grace and love and support from our congregation. It’s one of the unique things about this Bride—so many cultures, church cultures, backgrounds, and experiences. I think it gives freedom for all to come and meet Jesus where they are, and walk toward obedience and service in their unique giftings and passions. I have felt that and hope others do too. I’m trying to grow in the skill of letting the critiques—more endured from myself than anyone else—slough off and be submitted to the examination of Christ and the Holy Spirit alone. No one else’s opinion needs to get air time, especially a man lacking the discretion to be cautious with his words toward the with the nurse holding a needle in her hand. . . .
