No Regrets . . .
I was collecting old pictures for senior festivities and found one that made me choke back tears. It’s black and white—Chloe is speeding through the kitchen on her pink and purple tricycle—the picture capturing her face frozen with sheer joy and elation. Claire is seen toddling along behind her, screeching at the top of her little lungs. (What is cuter than toddler toes and onesie pajamas???) I remember the torn linoleum in that kitchen, and the banged-up corners in the island paneling from the tricycle not clearing it. I remember the girls running circles around the island and the constant underfoot while I was trying to put dinner together. I remember screeching and squealing from two little girls whose decibels could make you wince. And then sprinkle on top the tinkling tricycle bell. The picture captures pure perfection. The season represents days overflowing with monotony. Parks and libraries. Libraries and parks. A whole lot of church and frozen chicken nuggets.
I realize not everyone has the luxury or opportunity to stay at home with their kids. I say this knowing it’s not everyone’s choice to do so and zero no judgement on families that do it differently. I do want to make a plea to my girls, and all the girls I know on the edge of launch, that if staying at home is a desire of yours, have that in mind as you make choices over the next few years. When you step out into adulting, are you are “committing” to a certain lifestyle as a fulltime working adult or married couple that leaves you bound to that paycheck? Does your career have space for a possible pause with having children, if you wanted to pause or pivot? I would beg you to consider margin financially and live under your means leaving opportunity to pivot if you decided you wanted that. We had to make some hard choices in those early years. The budget was tight and intentional. We should’ve done a better job of preparing for that season but when we had to, we made it work. We shared a car. I taught piano lessons. Matt worked extra jobs. And then there were just things God provided right when we needed it. I would encourage you to consider it as you walk into adulthood. I didn’t anticipate it enough or make plans for it. We just made it happen after the fact and I wish I would’ve planned for it differently.
To be clear, you cannot possibly plan for all of it. I just want to plead with you to lift your eyes to the possibility of your future family, and not commit to a lifestyle the demands you stay on the treadmill of career at a certain salary. If you can rock both family life and fulltime career and are fulfilled in that, get after it! If you would like the option to consider something different, this is not a first date material for discussion, but if things are solidifying toward a lifelong commitment, sharing your desires about it are important. Those are not things that are best sprung on a husband on the fly when you are holding your bundle of joy for the first time! It sets you both up for success to verbalize that expectation or desire ahead of time.
There are certainly things I wish we would’ve done differently. We should’ve created more margin when we were young married, both working fulltime and living it up in Frisco, TX, having so much fun! We didn’t leave there with debt, but we didn’t leave with any nest egg either! Also, I think I would’ve been a healthier wife and mom had I continued to work PRN during those early years. I didn’t think I could do both.
When I did go back to work as the girls were starting school and preschool, I will never forget the morning that I set a box of Cheerios on the counter and they both stared at me blankly. Chloe said, “What is that?” I informed her that cereal is what normal American families eat for breakfast. My children had become spoiled rotten with a hot breakfast nearly every day for their first 4-5 years of life. To this day, they do not prefer cereal. Alas. We all have regrets in life and things we would do differently.
Haggai 1:7 says, “Give careful thought to your ways. . .” Whatever your choice, I will be your biggest cheerleader! I love that we have so many options as women. I have so many friends that stay home and friends that rock the corporate world; they jet set across the country and make it to the ballgames; they run point on all things domestic themselves or utilize their village to get all the things done. I love and admire them all. Truly. Women are beasts in what we juggle, carry, contribute, and execute on. As for me, as a season is ending, this picture makes my throat tight and my eyes surge with tears. I can say I have zero regrets, except for maybe not putting a box of Cheerios out on the counter a few times a week. . .
