God doesn’t give stones & He doesn’t give snakes . . .
We have made a transition from one church to another now five times. Of course, those transitions were easier sans kids, or with one kid holding each of my hands and their respective pink and purple suitcases being dragged behind them. Where Mom and Dad were, there they would be. No questions asked and no tears shed from their eyes. Life is very different now. Not only were our children raised here, Matt and I feel that in many ways, we were raised here. We are forever different because of what we have experienced here. Our individual growth, the health of our marriage, Matt’s growth as a leader, and mine as his helpmate are forever linked to this beautiful, stunning Bride. And THAT is why this transition is so hard. The first days after surrendering to the call to move felt like a complete gutting. I pictured Matt and I in a heap on the floor and Jesus leaning over us.
It had come to the point that the dozens and dozens of whispers and imprints could not be ignored anymore. Starting as early as this past summer, we began to hear whispers, and feel stirrings, without definition or clarity of what change was coming. I tried to examine and capture them in my journals. Matt did his best to ignore them. He didn’t turn to the right or the left; he just kept leading at the speed he always does. Until he couldn’t ignore them anymore.
The offer from Marlow came one hour before we found out our cousin’s daughter had taken her life. All-encompassing disorientation swept over us, all the while trying to confirm God’s voice. It was a tsunami of grief. We confess our regret that we didn’t bring the elders’ comfort and intercession into this process. That was a miss for Matt and I and we have asked for forgiveness for that. It would have buffered the shock and lifted the burden that we carried alone. To be clear, that is the precedent---the pastor and wife wrestle that out privately until the call is clear. But that is not how it needed to be done here at the MET. We have received their grace and love and forgiveness for that miss.
I am beyond blessed that Matt Roberson will be my pastor for the rest of our lives. I am the luckiest girl in the world. I know Matt’s leadership is unique and stands alone in many ways. He is not perfect but he has an anointing that is undeniable. He has led harder and loved deeper than some pastors do in a lifetime at this church. I asked last night how in the world the apostle Paul did this over and over. Matt said Paul never nested and settled; he always knew he was going to go to the next place in light of his call. I guess Matt and I have always known that, but we did some nesting here as we raised our girls . Houston has become home to us. The church’s kindness to us as a minister’s family has been special and unique. For those concerned about where we are going, you can rest assured they, too, have sincere love and honor for Matt. He was a young student pastor and traveling itinerate worship leader. They loved us then, and just never stopped. They are a small town in southwestern Oklahoma, needing extravagant love and next-level leadership. They have three campuses, are broken and hurting, and have already begun praying for the MET, as they know she is entering a time of grief and transition.
There are surely secondary and tertiary reasons to consider this move, but as those who know us well would know, those aren’t reasons to move for us. They never have been. Just as Moses led the Israelites when the pillar of fire and the cloud moved, that’s when we move. This would have never been our chosen timing, with a junior in high school. My eyes landed on a promise in Numbers 14:33 a few weeks ago, that our children would not be plunder in this move, and that they would flourish in the land God was bringing them to. This is part of their discipleship journey with Jesus, and they are my heroes right now. I kept saying this was so much easier when they were 3 and 5. I had my beautiful “little women” as I call them, stand next to me in a circle of prayer with the new search team. I heard others pray over my 17 and 19-year-old, inspired by their followship of Christ through submitting to their dad’s call. And then I heard those same girls an hour later raise their voices in praise with open hands during worship, all while in grief and honest lament. I am undone.
Some of the not-so-subtle whispers over the past few months . . .
“Back at Horeb, God, our God, spoke to us: ‘You’ve stayed long enough at this mountain. On your way now. Get moving.’” Deut. 1:7
“’. . . I love the Father and do exactly what my Father commanded me. Come now; let us leave.’” John 14:31
“You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.” Matthew 7:9-11
God doesn’t give harmful, hurtful things to his kids. He doesn’t give stones for bread. He doesn’t give snakes for fish. It’s always good. It’s always good. It will be good for us, good for the MET, good for my kids, good for Marlow, and good for the kingdom. No matter what I feel and see, it will be for God’s ultimate good and plan for His Kingdom advancement.
He continues to give manna for each day, to reaffirm and reassure. We need it desperately. Constantly navigating our own grief, while receiving the grief of others feels inhumane at times. We need comfort, and they do, too. The manna for this morning was from Matthew 13:44-46. Yesterday, I was pulling the trash cans to the curb, and though I knew the house was listing this week to sale, I didn’t know the sign had been put up. I saw it and felt like my gut had been punched. It was so odd to feel that in light of my preparations for the last few weeks. None-the-less, seeing the reality of the sign made a fresh wave of loss sweep over me. Then this morning, as I had sent the message from Sunday to several friends who weren’t there when Matt announced our leaving, I decided to click on the link and watch it myself. Beautiful instrumental music played in the background, and Matthew 13:44-46 came up in white script on the black screen: “The Kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking to find pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.” I see you, Lord. I hear you, Lord.
God has been teaching us to lament, to grieve, to come to him in the breadth and passion of emotion and empty our grief and tears and questions on him. He has continued to be present with us, comforting and speaking words of hope over us, until we could stand again. I know He will do this for our congregation and dear friends as well.
When we spoke with dear friends about this transition, they reminded us they joined the MET in between pastors 7-8 years ago. They knew it was a crazy time to join a new church family while in transition, but they couldn’t deny the work of the Spirit and the connection they felt so they leaned in. That is our prayer for this amazing Bride. This church is blessed with dozens of the most amazing leaders and shepherds. The work continues. My prayer is that they lean in. As Jesus entered Jerusalem, and was preparing to leave them, the disciples came with questions about facts and details, and he answered with non-answers. “Where are you going?” “Who is going to betray you?” “Just show us the Father!” He answered in ways that drew them to faith and dependence on Him, not reassuring them with the details they wanted and felt they needed. Their leader was leaving them “pre-maturely”, and they were angry, confused, and bewildered. But Jesus knew a critical mass of mission and work had been reached, and though the disciples would still bumble and fumble, they were forever changed and were headed in the right direction.
Matt has said countless times, “I am not the head of this church. Jesus is.” I do believe a critical mass has been reached; we will never be the same. She will never be the same. My heart’s desire is to be sent out, with love and blessing, to carry what we have experienced to a place needing love and leadership, knowing the Kingdom is advancing in both places because of our collective faith. John 13:1 says that Jesus knew his time with them was coming to an end, so he showed them the full extent of his love. That’s what I hope for in our last days here---comforting one another, gratitude and celebration of God’s glory and faithfulness to this church, exchanging words of love and appreciation from us to them, and them to us. I pray God awakens sensitivity to His spirit in the coming weeks, as He has for us.
I close with the words that my eyes fell on accidentally on Sunday morning . . .
“The revelation of God is whole and pulls our lives together. The signposts of God are clear and point out the right road. The life maps of God are right, showing the way to joy. The directions of God are plain and easy on the eyes. God’s reputation is 24-carat gold, with a lifetime guarantee. The decisions of God are accurate down to the nth degree.” Psalm 19:7-9 MSG
I trust you, Lord. You are worthy.
